Keith & Andrew's Excellent Adventure

My husband recently had a to travel to Hong Kong on business. After much discussion, and more than a few concerns, we decided to let our 14 year son go with him. My husband is the sweaty guy on the left. Pictures really do tell a thousand words. My husband is the shade of a tomato and his shirt looks like it has been tattooed on. Meanwhile, the Boy looks as cool as a cucumber.



My husband was more than a little upset with me over this whole trip issue. He knew he had to go to Hong Kong way back in February. I told him to hold off until July, if he could, so I could go along with him. He happily complied. As the date got closer, I thought I would check on weather conditions in Hong Kong in July. Turns out the temperature sits at around 40 C and the humidity sits at close to 100. No way was I going! The only thing that stops me from becoming a mass murderer in summer is my air conditioner. I'm not joking. I have been known to fly into an uncontrollable rage if the car air conditioning doesn't kick in fast enough. So, not only was I not going but my husband was going to have to tolerate that weather because of my addiction to my air conditioner.



I made sure I packed plenty of clean underwear for them and sent them on their way. Turns out-I had made the right call. No sooner had they landed and the Facebook messages started about the heat. After a few days of heat complaints, things got ugly. I would log on to talk to them both in the early evening. The two of them would be sitting in the same room (no doubt scowling at each other) as they typed nasty things about each other. Nothing was off limits and thanks to modern technology I was able to moderate arguments on another continent. They complained how the other one smelled, how much the other one liked to argue, how unfair the other one was being. It was pretty darn funny to me because I wasn't there...thank God!


I was starting to get a little discouraged for two reasons: all the cash to send the boy and all he could do was complain about his Dad and they would be coming home and I'd have to listen to this stuff in person which would take some of the glow off the gifts I anticipated getting. Then...a miracle. Hot and tired they decided to head to a mall. My son spotted a sign for a rink. They looked at each other: two Canadian boys far from home and each hoped it was the right kind of rink. Andrew sprinted ahead and ran back with the news that it was a SKATING RINK IN THE MIDDLE OF HONG KONG! They slipped out of their sandals and slid into their rented skates, sans socks, and skated for 20 glorious minutes. They were giants as they broke all the safety rules and screamed by little kids pushing big plastic peguins for support.

Funny, but those 20 minutes on the ice managed to save the last little bit of their vacation. It's one of their favorite memories of the trip and in the end the trip did what it was supposed to: reminded them they still like each other.

My Mother-In-Law

This is my Mother-in-Law, Linda. The one on the left. This picture scared me a bit because I realized we look a bit alike. I was thinking my husband and I should look a little closer at the old family tree to see if we are related. Our possible biological connection isn't the topic here. It's Linda.

I was married for the first time at the ripe old age of 19. It was the longest 6 months of my life. One of the reasons it was so brutal was because my first Mother-in-Law was Satan's handmaiden. I'm not joking-that woman was so evil it wasn't even funny. I could write a whole book on all the nasty stuff she pulled....maybe I'll save that for another time. I have to be grateful though, she paid for the entire divorce. I only had to pay for the annulment. As a side note-annulments crack me up. For the low price of $400 dollars the Catholic Church declared that I had never been married. Despite the fact that the Church said she was never my Mother-in-Law, I still have nightmares about her and harbour a deep, dark desire to smack her.

When I made the decision that my current husband was going to marry me, whether he liked it or not, I was a bit afraid because I knew I would have to deal with another MIL. I confess to being absolutely terrified about meeting her. My husband had shared a ton of stories about Linda and in all of them she came off as some kind of superwoman. It was with much trepidation that I made the long drive to Transcona (or as I call it-the Motherland) to meet her for the first time. Entering into that house was like stepping into some 50's sitcom. She was perfect, organized, and highly protective of her cub. We danced around each other for a fair amount of time. We are both pretty strong and opinionated (of course I have learned that Linda's opinions are usually the right ones and I call her for advice on big stuff). I admit we got into some scrapes...mostly because I didn't know what to do with how absolutely normal, loving, accepting, and giving she was. I didn't grow up with a mother like that so she kind of caught me off guard.

Linda is truly an amazing woman and I couldn't ask for a better grandmother for my children. She has made my kid's Halloween costumes, sewed all sorts of special blankets that they cherish like crazy, made them amazing birthday cakes, read to them, made Christmas cookies with them, attended more of my kid's sporting events then I have, sends them postcards from everyplace she goes for vacation, always seems to get just the right gift, makes every holiday special, and (most importantly) loves them unconditionally.

Linda has also been an incredible mother to me. I really hit the jackpot with her. She has always encouraged me, helped me when I needed it in any way she could, given me an example of what a mother and wife should be, bought me great Christmas sweaters, brought me back nasty thick rum from Cuba, gave me countless tips on cooking without even knowing it, didn't put up too much of a fight when her son said he was marrying me, turned a blind eye when I've raided her freezer and eaten her dainties, and (I like to think) has loved me unconditionally....except when she has wanted to smack me for something stupid I've done.

I hope I can be half the Mother-in-Law she has been. And don't get any ideas...she's mine and I'm not sharing.

Live in the Now Man

We have become a society that waits. Folks sit around waiting for things to be just so. When things are just so, they figure they can really start living. When they get that expensive car they have been waiting for or when they get that fantastic house they have been holding out for, everything will be gravy. That always makes me kinda sad. People waiting to get before they can live. Life is now. Life is right in front of us and it is truly delicious. I know a ton of people who spend their time shopping, waiting, and wanting to get everything they think they need and I want to smack them. Put your credit card away and sit. Just sit and enjoy. Take a look around you. Now take a deep breath. It doesn’t matter what season it is. If you are sitting and relaxing and you take a great big nose full-it will smell great. Clear your mind of all the wants and needs that you think you have and drink in the day (or night). I think that most folks are filled with sadness because of that long list of things they think they need. It honesty sucks my will to live when people talk about their fancy new cars or newly built and professionally decorated monster houses. I start to clue out and think of potato chips as they describe all the little soul sucking details. Today I am enjoying a long list of very simple things:

• A good cheesy romance novel I took out from the library
• A beautiful sunny day that deepened the old summer tan
• An awesome dinner of meatloaf and mashed potatoes
• A badly groomed shih tzu who just wants to cuddle on my lap
• The joy of looking at the kids I made (with a little help of course)
• A really good rum and coke made by my extraordinary husband
• The idea of slipping into my bed in a cabin that needs a fair amount of TLC, which I won’t lose a minute sleep over

I also believe that in order to start living and enjoy the little things, you need to clean house. Not literally-don’t be crazy! I mean you have to get rid of the things that make you miserable. I have always been fascinated with the way people will keep folks in their life even when these folks make them unhappy. If somebody’s sole purpose is to take pleasure in making you feel bad- show them the door and tell them not to let it hit them in the ass on their way out. Just because you’ve known somebody since you were in diapers doesn’t mean you should give them a pass for every stinky thing they do to you. You have the right to be treated with respect and to be loved unconditionally (unless you’re one of those Predators I just saw in that movie-they don’t deserve to be loved unconditionally).

There is nothing wrong with guarding your happiness like Lindsay Lohan guards her cocaine stash. Clean out your trash, set limits regarding how much shitty behavior people in your life can get away with, and start enjoying the right now. Trust me-you're worth it.