Thank God I'm Not Getting Any Younger!

The kids I teach always seem surprised that I have little desire to be their age again. I proudly tell them how old I am and openly cringe at the thought of having to experience those horrific teenage years again. Why? Well, let me give you a list of the reasons I love getting older:

1. I am old enough to buy my own booze and when I do it isn't with change I've pilfered off of my Dad's dresser. As well, what I do buy is way better quality.

2. I never have to wonder if "He" will call cause he sleeps right next to me and knows he better call because I have the power to make his life miserable.

3. I never have to get ready for another date and I don't have to pretend that my date is funny when he isn't. I also never have to feign interest in topics of conversations that would come up on dates. If I'm bored now, I just leave the room.

4. My job does not require me to say "Do you want fries with that?"

5. When I put weird outfits together now, people just think I'm quirky. When you're a teen you are always one weird outfit away from being totally ostracized from the rest of the population.

6. I can buy as many chocolate bars as I want and eat them all in one sitting if I want. I mean, I wouldn't but it is nice to know that I can.

7. When I ridicule someone now I can use way bigger words!

8. If I really don't want to do something I am now cagey enough to get out of it. A skill most teens don't have.

9. If I see somebody being a total shit monkey to another person, I'm big and mean enough to stop them.

10. I, very rarely, have to run my own errands. This was a teenage dream that I shared with my friend Cheryl. We are both lucky enough now to have errand runners. When you're a teen you're constantly running errands for everyone. You're just a lackey!

11. If I REALLY want to go there, I can go there.

12. I never have to wear makeup again. Frankly, the stuff scares my husband and makes him think I'm up to something. The undertaker might slap some on me but at that point I'll just be happy I'm not the one having to apply the darn stuff.

13. I can afford WAY better shoes!

14. My hearing is starting to go in one ear, so that means that I only hear half of the stupid stuff people are saying.

15. I am quickly approaching what I call the "fist shaking" stage of my life. This is when you get to open your front door, shake your fist, and yell rude things at the neighbourhood children. Who wouldn't want that!

So bring on the support hose and false teeth. Oh yeah, false teeth! Teeth you can remove to brush. How cool is that?!

Conditional Love

Conditional love is a pretty odd concept to normal families. Explaining it to folks who have grown up in a stable family environment can be complicated. They look at me in a confused manner wondering what planet I'm from and what kind of environment I was hatched in. It seems simple to me, but I was raised in it so I'm halfway versed in the intricacies. For the uninformed, conditional love is as follows: when you have been deemed worthy of love by parents and siblings... you get it. What is required to be deemed worthy changes constantly and requires a manual to understand. At 42 I STILL don't understand ALL the rules attached. It is a constant, painful, learning experience.

I was convinced, for a long time, that I was the only person that experienced this phenomena, but as I get older I have come to realize that there are a lot of other bruised souls walking around living in this strange predicament. We, as a society, are force fed images of normal families who love each other and communicate with ease. This, in my opinion, is a myth for a large amount of the population. We watch talk shows that tell us that we should constantly forgive the nasty things that our families do to us. I say BULL! There comes a time when you need to say that enough is enough. You can't pick your family but you can sure as hell walk away from one that treats you like a doormat. Some relationships can't be fixed and aren't worth the constant energy it takes to try.

Thankfully, I married a man who comes from a TOTALLY normal family. Sometimes, I swear he grew up in some 50's sitcom because his family seems so unreal. They love without condition and it took me a long time to get used to that concept. The love his parents give to me, their son, and their grandchildren never changes. It is constant and dependable. I don't think I can ever thank them enough for this. Mostly, it is my husband that amazes me. He is the one who has helped me to open my eyes to the dysfunction junction that is my family. By doing that, he has helped to set me free. Because of him, I know I am worth more and deserve more. I shouldn't have to beg at the table for scraps of love from my family. Neither should anybody else. If you aren't getting what you deserve, walk away. Find a new family. You can make your own. I have come to realize that I have done just that. I have made a new family. I have surrounded myself with the love of my husband's family, my wonderful children, my fantastic husband, and my incredible friends. My new family loves me without condition.

If this resembles your situation in any way, I encourage you to run! Find something normal. You deserve it. Be the best person you can be and ignore the bad press you've been getting. Life is too short to dance this dance. Sit this one out! Find some new partners and embrace something more worthwhile. I know I will!