Ladylike behavior and the rules that govern it are very complicated. The need for charm schools is testament to how difficult these skills are to understand and master. I like to think of these rules as control top pantyhose that cut off blood circulation. They make me uncomfortable, angry, and they put me at a disadvantage. Disadvantage because I'm so busy scratching, adjusting, and fixing runs, I can't actually enjoy my life. Just recently I was told that I am not a lady. At first, I was pretty pissed. What?! Me! Not a lady? Then I felt relief. Thank God....I'm not allowing myself to be governed by those restrictive rules. This accusation did get me thinking though. Does it pay to be a lady?I thought back to the way I was raised. Strange household where I got two very different opinions on how a lady should act. My father, who worked construction, encouraged me to enjoy all of the aspects of acting like a boy. I spent numerous hours on his construction sites loving every second of it. I could get dirty, operate heavy machinery, and swear like a trucker. He took me hunting and camping. He was very proud when I joined the reserves and completed basic military training. I ran around with cam stick on my face, stripped and reassembled weapons, and dug trenches. All very unladylike but truly delicious. My mother was the opposite. Wear make-up, cook and clean, don't go to university and college because that is a man's job, and get married as soon as possible. Very restrictive and not near as fun.
When I got older and outgrew my awkward stage (what my mother called the time that I was basically a really ugly tween), I like to think that I blossomed into a not half bad looking young woman (evidence provided in picture on left). At this point in my life, I decided to embrace, to a certain point, the rules of lady behavior. I read the Emily Post Etiquette Guide and followed the rules. The rules were tough and very specific. I have to admit that a certain amount of power came from following them. I got a lot of dates and rarely had to buy a meal. Gifts were bought and promises were made. Lucrative promises that implied that if I continued to act in a ladylike manner, I would be rewarded with a husband who would take care of me. Sounded lovely for awhile...until I finished college and turned down a marriage proposal. It had started to hit me. Being a lady meant I would have to spend the rest of my life following rules I didn't write and no longer particularly liked. The rules had become stifling and I wanted more.
I started to make my own choices based on rules I liked. Rules that I soon realized were made for men. I laughed loudly, I swore when I wanted to, I stood up for myself and felt no hesitation in calling someone out when they treated me in a way I didn't appreciate. Basically, I took what I wanted and stopped apologizing for it. Did not take long to feel the backlash. Society still does not feel comfortable with women behaving in this fashion. We get called bitches and sluts for simply living by the same rules as men and when we're really bad they tell us we are not a lady. Who made these rules? Emily Post may have written the book and women operated charm schools but I don't believe it was because they truly wanted to be shoved in a box. They realized that we had complicated territory to trek through and they simply provided us with a map.
I do not consider the successful women I know to be ladylike. I like to think of them as Dames. They feel no shame in showing they are as smart, or smarter, than the men they work with. They drink, swear, and demand. They self-promote and push themselves to the front of the line. Most importantly, they make no apologies for having, what is traditionally, the appetite of a man. The truth is, a woman can't achieve in this world if she is a lady....she must be a Dame. She must throw off the restrictive shackles of ladylike behavior and attack life with gusto. And if somebody tells them they are not ladies, they need to say, in a lovely charming manner with eyelashes batting, thank you. Then check their bank balance and comfort themselves with the fact that they're no lady!
