The kids I teach always seem surprised that I have little desire to be their age again. I proudly tell them how old I am and openly cringe at the thought of having to experience those horrific teenage years again. Why? Well, let me give you a list of the reasons I love getting older:
1. I am old enough to buy my own booze and when I do it isn't with change I've pilfered off of my Dad's dresser. As well, what I do buy is way better quality.
2. I never have to wonder if "He" will call cause he sleeps right next to me and knows he better call because I have the power to make his life miserable.
3. I never have to get ready for another date and I don't have to pretend that my date is funny when he isn't. I also never have to feign interest in topics of conversations that would come up on dates. If I'm bored now, I just leave the room.
4. My job does not require me to say "Do you want fries with that?"
5. When I put weird outfits together now, people just think I'm quirky. When you're a teen you are always one weird outfit away from being totally ostracized from the rest of the population.
6. I can buy as many chocolate bars as I want and eat them all in one sitting if I want. I mean, I wouldn't but it is nice to know that I can.
7. When I ridicule someone now I can use way bigger words!
8. If I really don't want to do something I am now cagey enough to get out of it. A skill most teens don't have.
9. If I see somebody being a total shit monkey to another person, I'm big and mean enough to stop them.
10. I, very rarely, have to run my own errands. This was a teenage dream that I shared with my friend Cheryl. We are both lucky enough now to have errand runners. When you're a teen you're constantly running errands for everyone. You're just a lackey!
11. If I REALLY want to go there, I can go there.
12. I never have to wear makeup again. Frankly, the stuff scares my husband and makes him think I'm up to something. The undertaker might slap some on me but at that point I'll just be happy I'm not the one having to apply the darn stuff.
13. I can afford WAY better shoes!
14. My hearing is starting to go in one ear, so that means that I only hear half of the stupid stuff people are saying.
15. I am quickly approaching what I call the "fist shaking" stage of my life. This is when you get to open your front door, shake your fist, and yell rude things at the neighbourhood children. Who wouldn't want that!
So bring on the support hose and false teeth. Oh yeah, false teeth! Teeth you can remove to brush. How cool is that?!
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