Sunday, July 5, 2009

Things I Have to Remember


Summer has started and that means weeks at the cabin. As a mother and wife, I have numerous things I have to remember and prepare in order for summer to be a bit more enjoyable for my family. In addition to remembering to bring essentials like bedding, towels, sunscreen, dog food, clothing, bug spray, and a ton of food, I now have to remember what books my husband has read during our time together.

As a couple, we start to look for lake books while still in the icy grips of winter. It is vital to have enough reading material to wile away our free time at the cabin. This is essential if we are to effectively ignore all the work that needs to be done on the place! I start off my summers the same way every year. I have bags of new books to read but I always start with a reread of my favorites. This list usually includes a fair number of Carl Hiaasen novels with a couple of Margaret George's thrown in for good luck.

My husband, on the other hand, goes into a blind panic as he looks for all the books he bought earlier in the year and then proceeds to drive me insane with the same question which is repeated so many times that it puts him in danger of me using one of the body dumping sites I've been investigating in the area. The question is usually asked when I'm comfortably snuggled in bed or when we are packing to head out to the beach. He'll come up to me looking slightly confused and ask "have I read this before?" Now, that question may seem harmless at first but you have to think of all the things a mother and wife has to remember and take into account my age and then you will begin to understand how annoying THE question is. Apparently, when we were saying our wedding vows, I promised to keep a running list of all novels he has read while we are together. Sneaky bastard.

This brings me to this weekend's disturbing discovery and reading of the novel Speedboat by Renata Adler. He came into the bedroom and asked THE question, which he has asked about this particular novel for about 3 summers now, and I just decided it was easier to say "no". I was pretty sure he had read the stupid thing but I figured if he can't remember he should have to read it again. He settled down and read for about 5 mintues. He declared it crap and threw it in the corner.

The next evening he was telling my son and me how bad this novel was so I had to pick it up and take a look myself. He wasn't kidding. This is perhaps the worst book ever written but it's won prizes and is considered to be some fine writing. Each paragraph starts off with a new topic and there is absolutely no connection between any of the paragraphs. Example:
Paragraph 1: The Italian bottled water heiress was sitting on her ship.
Paragraph 2: I was eating in a Greek restaurant in New York and saw a rat.
Paragraph 3: A Pinkerton man got on the elevator and told me that somebody had been molested on the the 5th floor.
Paragraph 4: Nessa got her finger caught in the cab door and had to go to the emergency room.

My dramatic reading of Speedboat sent my son and husband into fits of laughter. We could only last about a chapter and we had to give up. My husband has threatened to sell the thing at our next garage sale with the title "worst book ever written" underneath it. He says he won't let potential buyers read it before deciding. Somehow I don't think I can expect him to ask me THE question about Speedboat next year.

1 comment:

  1. Copied this review from Amazon. Adler, herself, must have wrote this review.

    Why are so many astonishing novels from the 1970s out of print? Adler's cunning collage of seemingly unrelated vignettes -- tart apercus distilled through a youngish woman's relentless intelligence -- contrives to sum up a particular kind of brittle, urban intellectual existence. "Speedboat" is a challenge, but each piece of the puzzle is short and brilliant enough to keep you mowing through. This is the best, and most original, book Adler ever wrote!

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