Kentucky Fried Chicken: The Not So Silent Killer

When I was a stay-at-home mom, I used to make the trek to see my sister in Saskatchewan on a fairly regular basis. To most people, this might seem crazy because my sister has 6 children and I have 2 and getting them together means we are outnumbered. I was never afraid though, my sister has arms like Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2, so I knew she could protect me if things got ugly. I once watched (emphasis on watched because there was no way I was helping) her haul railroad ties around the backyard, while 8 months pregnant, so she could make her kids a huge sandbox.






My sister is a sucker for punishment. Despite the fact that she has a herd of children, she would always be inviting more over to play or sleepover. I mean, what kind of sick masochist does that? My sister, that's who. Her reasoning, which turned out to be completely sound, was that if you have more over you hardly see your own because they are too busy with their friends to bug you. Genius! It works like a charm. So when I got there I would only catch fleeting glimpses of my children. Usually, when they wanted to eat. This brings me to the whole thing of Kentucky Fried Chicken being a not so silent killer.





This particular event happened during a summer visit. The weather was lovely and the kids were busy running around outside. My sister and I formed our plan. We would tire them out, feed them lunch, and send them off for their naps. Once they were in bed she would race off and pick up Kentucky Fried Chicken for JUST the two of us. We would enjoy our meal in peace in the backyard and we wouldn't have to share. Now, this might sound very selfish but when we would take the kids to a restaurant we were guaranteed three things: we would go broke feeding them all, we could count on them filching food from our plates, and after the meal the table would look like a war zone and we would have to slink out in shame. Now and then, a mother just wants to eat a meal in peace without the risk of dirty little fingers stealing the best bits off her plate. We also would like to eat our entire meal without spills, fights, and tears. That day, victory was within our grasp.





Kids tired, fed, and tucked in. My sister hopped in the van and sped off to the only KFC in town. I made sure the little terrorists stayed in bed and fell asleep. Just as they were nodding off my sister returned with greasy bag in hand. She had this glassy eyed look that we both get when we know we're going to eat something we know we shouldn't. (My sister and I both have this strange little ritual we perform when we eat something really good: we gently rock side to side, close our eyes, and produce a string of happy sighs. My Dad thinks this is pretty funny.)

My sister barked out orders like the fine military leader she would have made. I was told to grab the coffee and ketchup and meet her in the backyard post haste. We sat down and spread out the bounty, being careful to make sure we divvied up things evenly, and dove in. Now my sister and I had become pretty fast eaters. You have to be when you're a mom. You don't know how much time you'll have so you better move. We were eating at the speed of sound and that's when it happened. My sister started to choke. By the sounds of it she had one huge chunk of chicken lodged in her throat. After some panicked coughing, choking, and a bright red face my sister dislodged the offending chicken and was able to breathe again. I freely admit that I did nothing to help her. I was too busy covering my food from any fallout.







You would think this near death-by-chicken experience would have produced cries of relief and hugs to celebrate her making it through this terrifying event. It did not. We went right back at it but we did slow down. I reminded her that the kids were asleep and this afforded us plenty of time to chew. There was no need to make like foie gras producing geese and shove food down our gullets. So we leaned back in our lawn chairs, basked in the afternoon sun, and sighed our way through chicken, fries, and that really gross green coleslaw that KFC insists on putting in their meals.